#4 Discovery: Growing Our Capacity through Curiosity
Finding Discovery on the Road to Healing
I grew up in a house with a father who instilled the edict, “it’s my way, or the highway” (love you, Dad!) I learned that his way was the only way, and it was absolutely the best possible way you could do it. It wasn’t until I was twenty, when my mother died, that I realized there could be another way. Something in the grief of her passing opened me up to freer thinking. Suddenly it became so clear: there are many unique ways to live a life and live it well. And while my father was (and is) good at a lot of things, I wanted to find my own way. Plus I was naturally drawn to diverse ways of being and doing. This was my initial break out of black-and-white thinking.
Over the years of building my personal resilience, I’ve become more open and appreciative of diverse approaches to living a good life, and to exploring those approaches through discovery. And, I don’t wish for anyone that you find your way to discovery through a personal tragedy. So I believe it’s important to explore: What does it mean to be in a mental state of discovery?
Discovery Defined: Curiosity, Learning, and Transformation
When we’re in a mental state of discovery, we approach life with curiosity and are able to learn, turn learning into action, and innovate. We approach both opportunities and hurdles with an open mind. This mindset allows us to expand into what’s possible, and tune into what the universe is trying to offer us. When we move from a place of discovery, we are in a state of learning and we integrate that learning into our life through practice and wise action. We allow our discovery to change or grow our perspective and build our knowledge base. We can then put that knowledge into action.
While it takes energy and courage to do something new and different, I can tell you from experience that it’s worth it, and that the energy it takes to make changes will come back to you tenfold. If we make strategic changes that benefit us, those changes free us up to experience more energy, joy, and satisfaction. As we build courage through discovery, the path to change becomes easier and easier.
The Obstacles to Discovery
As is so often the case, fear can inhibit our discovery journey. Fear tells us we need to be rigid in our approach to life. We can feel stuck in needing to attain a certain result, or we repeat behavior patterns even when they aren’t serving us.
Fear promotes black-and-white linear thinking, and is a learned response. We learn fear early in life from our families and our environment. Most of us weren’t taught as young people how to work through our fear and open up. Our culture propagates fear, be it through cancel culture or promoting a false sense of belonging via “fitting in.” Our culture tells us we need to act or speak in a certain way to be accepted, and if we stray we will be ostracized. These habituated responses leave little room for nuance or authenticity, and put us in the position to judge or be judged.
From Black-and-White to a Range of Options
As humans we like to put things in boxes: something is good or bad, right or wrong, superior or inferior. This can feel comforting for our minds, even if the comfort isn’t serving our growth. If we are willing to step in the unknown and into discovery, new ways forward will appear.
I love the Rumi quote:
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”
When we employ open-minded thinking and exercise curiosity, we are opening ourselves up to endless possibilities, to seeing and creating a multitude of options. This is resilient thinking.
It’s important to note that sometimes, the result we think we want isn’t actually aligned for us. When we resist this truth, we create more suffering for ourselves. If we allow what isn’t meant for us to be sloughed off, time will show us how that loss or misstep was actually of benefit to us.
Beyond having an open and curious mind and body, discovery also means we integrate what we’ve learned. We want to be open so we can be living in possibility and we also want to be learning and turning that newfound knowledge into action.
Have you ever taken a course or read a book and thought “this is amazing! I want to change my life,” only to continue with your same habits and behaviors. We have ALL done this, myself included. When we learn something that really strikes us as useful, supportive, aligned, or otherwise fantastic, what stops us from integrating that learning into our lives and taking action?
Sometimes it’s timing and bandwidth; sometimes it’s fear that we won’t be able to make the changes or fear that we will make the changes and their impact will be terrifying. One way to work with this energy is to go into the body. If you’re feeling fearful in your mind, get into your body and listen with compassion to what it has to say.
If we want to learn and grow, we have to take the steps to integrate knowledge that serves us. Without integration, we spend precious time gathering information that we don’t actually use. So let’s prioritize our time and energy. We can choose to follow our curiosity towards teachings that are aligned for us, but then we must make time to integrate them.
A big part of personal resilience is curiosity: we seek out impactful learning opportunities and we turn that learning into action. By embracing discovery, we give ourselves options, we lead with an open mind and heart, and we make aligned choices so that we can thrive.
How can we be more curious and turn impactful learning into action in our lives?
Cultivating Curiosity and Turning Learning into Action
Here are some practical tips to deepen your own discovery practice:
Embrace beginner's mind: Approach each situation with a sense of wonder and openness, free from preconceived notions or assumptions.
Ask questions: Curiosity thrives on questions. Don't be afraid to ask "what’s the reasoning" or "what if" – these simple inquiries can lead to profound insights and discoveries.
Seek diverse perspectives: Surround yourself with people and ideas that challenge your beliefs and expand your worldview.
Reflect and integrate: Take time to reflect on the lessons and insights you've gained, and consciously integrate them into your daily life through small, consistent actions like journaling or meditation.
Experiment and iterate: Embrace a spirit of experimentation. Try new approaches, observe the results, and iterate based on your learnings.
As he’s continued on his life path, my dad has embraced discovery. I now see in him a greater openness and acceptance of new and different ideas and ways of being. He shows up for me and others with great warmth and acceptance, demonstrating that it's never too late to embrace discovery.
How has discovery supported your resilience journey? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!