#3 Resourced: How to Show Up for Self & Others

The Well We Draw From

In my younger years, I didn’t know what it meant to be resourced. I would work myself to the bone or play too hard and end up so wiped out that my recovery detracted from  the rest of my life. I was late for commitments, forced myself to go even harder to make up for the “lost time,” or simply failed. This cycle led to a breakdown of trust in my relationships; people couldn’t depend on me to complete tasks or be on time.

It also left me feeling like I couldn’t trust myself, which over time depleted my confidence and created anxiety when I took on new commitments. 

You might think my behavior could be attributed solely to a lack of balance, but the truth is, I didn’t know how to resource myself. I didn’t know how to take breaks, manage my time and energy, or be present to the dynamic flow of life outside of my current project or effort. 

I remember being 25 and deeply engrossed in potting plants on my porch in Charleston, SC. I was happily immersed in my task, but I also lost track of time. I hadn’t eaten lunch and started to notice that my stomach was rumbling, so I went inside—then realized the time. Uh oh, I had to be at work in 20 minutes! I threw down my gardening tools, got changed, and rushed off to work. I made it on time, but I was dirty and starving for hours. This is just one example of a common situation in my life at the time, where I’d dive fully into a project and neglect to resource myself along the way. 

If I had stopped to take a break, I could have grounded into where I was in time and space and recognized that I’d already spent 5 hours potting plants, and realized that I still wanted to shower and eat before going to work. I could have given myself the opportunity to make another choice, get resourced, and ultimately felt much better during work.

Have you ever experienced this? A feeling of tunnel vision, an inability to take breaks to resource yourself, or overloading your calendar and to-dos with no time for self-care? Have you felt this sense of overwhelm?

I still experience overwhelm and tunnel vision occasionally, but it’s very rare for me these days. That’s because I’ve learned how to be present, take breaks, and balance what’s important to me. I’ve learned how to internally resource myself and set up systems that support me each day. Now, I can enjoy what I’m doing without anxiety that something else is falling by the wayside. I’m on time and I am able to meet my commitments with ease.

What does it mean to be resourced?

When we’re resourced, we have what we need or know how to get what we need, and we create the space and time to care for ourselves when something is missing. Core to resilience is that we are resourced: we have access to the resources we need so we can thrive and thus help others thrive.

How to Create Your Unique Resourcing System: Body, Mind and Spirit

Each of us sets ourselves up uniquely to be resourced. Some like to use tech reminders and other systems to keep them on track. Others, like me, use lists and organic time checks. No matter what system we choose to use, it’s important to have one that works for you, as staying aware of where we are in time and space is essential to being resourced.

Resourcing ourselves goes beyond balancing our to-do’s. It touches every part of our life. To grow our resilience, it’s important that we are emotionally, intellectually, financially, and spiritually resourced. The resources we may want and need are diverse. Sometimes we need to resource ourselves with connection through close friendship; other times we need a professional mentor, yet both require us to deepen our capacity to reach out and seek help. Other times we may need self-care, rest, and rejuvenation. 

No matter our specific needs, what’s important is that we can sense when we need to be resourced, we can identify what it is we need (or get help in figuring that out), and we have the internal tools to get what we need so we can feel grounded in our lives. This skillset is so essential for our mental health and well being. 

I work with my clients on resourcing themselves through body, mind, and spirit. I also support my clients in setting up unique systems that support them in being resourced in their daily lives. Once we build pathways to feeling resourced, profound shifts can begin to happen.

As Within, So Without: Internal and External Resources

I’ve been speaking about resourcing ourselves internally. However, we can’t ignore the reality of external resources—i.e. money or material safety. Having external resources is a big part of being resilient, too. 

What’s the relationship between resilience and having external resources? I believe the skills we cultivate to resource ourselves internally (like breathwork when we’re activated, organization when we’re scattered) also teach us to cultivate our external resources. If we can learn to cultivate inner balance and resourcing, we will be able to objectively assess our external resources and better work with what we have, or make thoughtful plans to change our situation. 

Resourcing yourself doesn't mean you have to be wealthy or spend a lot of money. In fact, after 10+ years of social research in developing countries, I learned that the main indicator for being personally resourced during a crisis was peoples’ connection to their neighbors. So regardless of your financial situation, look around you—where is resourcing happening in your community? How can you resource yourself through strong relationships?

From Resourcing, to Questioning, to Thriving

Sometimes, when we focus on getting resourced, we create space in our lives to make bigger changes. Maybe you realize you need to move or find a new community that serves and supports you more strongly. Perhaps you need to seek out a new career or job that encourages you to be resourced, or finally pursue that business idea that will resource you with feelings of purpose and passion. Or maybe you need to end a relationship that just isn’t meeting your needs. Resourcing isn’t just taking bubble baths or getting a massage (though those things are great!); it can be a challenging and substantial journey. 

So ask yourself: what do you really want and need? Then, start with taking that first step. 100% of the time I’ve done this, I’ve found what I needed—even when I thought there was no way forward. Sometimes the process took longer than I wanted or I had to make changes that were uncomfortable, but staying committed to being resourced and aligned has always been worth it. 

Becoming a Resource for Others

Ultimately, being resourced isn't just about receiving; it's also about giving. When we have nourished ourselves and built our resilience, we can then become resources for others, creating a ripple effect of support and empowerment within our communities.

So, how can we resource ourselves and be resources for others? It starts with self-awareness, vulnerability, and a willingness to embrace interdependence. Once we’ve resourced ourselves and developed a practice for continuing to do so, we’re more able to turn outward and become resources for our communities. 

How can we best resource ourselves and be resources for others? How has resourcing shown itself to be essential in your life? 

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!